First-Generation College Student Success
- Christopher J. Moreland
- Mar 8
- 8 min read
Luca, a freshman business prospect, walked into the appointment with a vapid countenance, minimal eye contact, and flattened prosody. He responded to my questions in a monosyllabic fashion and demonstrated a remarkable lack of interest in any of his classes. When asked about his social life, he was equally unenthusiastic.
After the appointment, reports of his disinterest came flooding in over the following weeks: missed classes, missing assignments, and concerns from multiple instructors about his flat affect. Luca ignored multiple forms of outreach from me, his instructors, and even his Resident Assistant. Unsurprisingly, at the end of the semester, he was placed on academic probation, and it was time for him to come clean.
Luca looked past me but spoke with conviction.
“I don’t have a life. I’m not a real person. I have no control over anything; I have no idea who I am. There’s nothing left but frustration and emptiness…and I cannot go on like this.”
As his story unfolded, everything became clear. Luca was the oldest scion of a large, hard-working immigrant family and a first-generation college student. From a young age, he had been expected to help with the family business, but middle and high school had provided clear boundaries between work and education. Now, in college while still living at home, his parents operated under grave misconceptions, with accordingly deleterious consequences. They looked at his five-course schedule (this is standard) and saw plenty of gaps to fill with work shifts. The time required for studying, tutoring, networking, and socializing was immediately consumed by the business. This was bad enough, but worse was to come.
Freed of day-to-day oversight from high school administrators, his parents began calling on him when other employees missed shifts, even during class times. When he protested, they railed against him for being unfilial. “We are paying for your college, you are living with us...the least you can do is help us out with the company.”
I paused him. “Are your parents actually paying your college tuition?”
“No,” he responded, “I’m taking out loans.”
“And the money you make from the family business?”
“It goes back to my parents.”
That was it.
“So, you mean to tell me that you are going into debt, while working so much that you can’t attend class or have a normal college life, and you are supposed to feel…grateful?”
He sighed. “Well, this is just how things are in our family.”
I shook my head. “This is madness. Sheer and unadulterated madness, and it’s not sustainable.”
What transpired next was one of the most difficult, albeit rewarding, interventions I’ve experienced. It took time, but I was finally able to convince his parents that Luca needed, and deserved, an independent and authentic college experience. He was to move out of the house and live on campus; he was to work at an on-campus job, not at the family business; and he would prioritize summer classes to remedy his first-semester lapses, not full-time shifts at the company. I reassured the parents that if Luca so chose, he would be far more assistance to them four years later with a bachelor’s degree than with free labor now.
And to their credit, they listened.
The next time I saw Luca, he was off academic probation, thriving socially, and even joining the kickball team. The light was back in his eyes, and before long he successfully applied to the business college and began an internship.
Luca’s story had a happy ending. But unfortunately, many other students have not met with the same outcome. I have consistently witnessed dysfunctional family systems and their skewed priorities lead to academic, professional, and psychological disaster. Clear patterns have emerged. Situations like Luca’s tend to stem from an intersection of the following factors:
Parents who did not attend college.
Immigrant and/or minority backgrounds.
Families with English as a second language.
So whether you are a student who recognizes Luca’s story as your own, a parent who is coming to a new realization, or if you have a friend who sounds like Luca, this article is for you.
There's No Such Thing as 13th Grade | Recognizing the Ontological Shift
The challenges Luca faced are far from unique; they are exacerbated for students in early college programs (dual enrollment or associate degrees earned in high school), immigrants and minorities.
While their daily routine in freshman year of college may superficially resemble senior year of high school, a profound mental and ontological shift has occurred.
College is not an extension of high school; it is a new stage demanding independence, self-regulation, and full immersion in academic and social life.
Parents: do not be fooled by surface similarities. Respect this transition.
If your student is making decent grades, actively participating on campus, and building friendships, honor those boundaries. Intrusion, however well-intentioned, can undermine their growth and lead to the ruin seen in too many cases.
Setting Healthy Household Responsibilities
As long as home duties do not interfere with attending class, completing assignments, or engaging on campus, you have every right to expect contributions. This fosters holistic moral development and prepares them for independent living. Education extends beyond academics to stewardship of possessions, time, and relationships.
Be intentional and specific:
Assign clear, limited, important tasks rather than random or unpredictable requests.
Do not move the goalposts mid-semester.
Provide positive reinforcement.
Acknowledge completed work with appreciation, it builds motivation and respect.
Encourage communication:
If a deadline or event conflicts, your student must inform you in advance.
Restate expectations calmly if needed.
Play to strengths and household needs:
Delegate what others can handle or train for.
What tasks only you can do?
What can be shared or taught?
Results vary by family. Discern individually.
Common appropriate tasks (tailored to your home):
Picking up siblings from school.
Grocery shopping and running errands.
Yardwork or outdoor maintenance.
Housecleaning (specific areas/rooms).
Dishes and kitchen duties.
Laundry.
“Hammer and nails” repairs or assembly.
Car maintenance and cleaning.
If a student has handled a task well for years but begins slacking, rotate to a new one—mutually agreed upon. Teaching it reinforces life skills.
If boundaries prove impossible (constant demands erode academics), consider next steps: on-campus housing, an off-campus apartment (if budget allows), or even out-of-town college for space and growth.
Prioritizing College Success Over Short-Term Family Commitments
Your student attends college to become a trained, educated professional; their skillset will advance dramatically with a degree.
If you envision employing them in the family business later, protect this developmental stage now. Sacrificing their education for immediate free labor is counterproductive.
As a historian and religious scholar, as well as an academic coach, I deeply value family traditions, cultural norms, and raising respectful children. Yet dynamics that functioned in another culture or land often do not translate well to the U.S. context, especially around employment, independence, and education.
Quash the Resentment
It is natural to feel some envy for youthful exuberance after a long day of work, but don't take it out on your student.
Do you not wish them greater happiness, prosperity, and education than you had? As long as they fulfill academic and household duties, allow relaxation; hanging out with friends, video games, naps, exercise. They deserve breaks, just as you do.
Their schedules may differ from yours...who cares, if performance holds? They will have the rest of their life to experience a 9 to 5, if that is what their profession entails.
If Your Student Works in the Family Business
When your college student contributes to the family business, whether part-time or during breaks, treat it as professional employment, not an extension of household chores.
This protects both the student’s academic focus and the relationship from emotional volatility.
Establish ironclad boundaries:
No shifts during class times, study blocks, exams, or required campus events.
Create mutually agreed schedules:
Sit down together to map out hours that align with their academic calendar.
Document it (shared calendar or written agreement) to prevent last-minute changes or guilt-tripping.
Pay them directly (via check, direct deposit, or payroll):
Avoid "trades" like room/board credits, future favors, or vague promises.
Direct payment is essential for several reasons:
Prevents manipulation:
Family drama—anger, annoyance, disappointment, or cultural pressures—should never bleed into compensation.
If a parent is upset about grades, independence, or perceived "ungratefulness," they might withhold or reduce "payment" as leverage.
A paycheck or deposit removes that temptation:
Payment is earned through work performed and quality delivered, not people-pleasing or emotional compliance.
Reinforces merit-based value:
It sends a clear message that compensation is tied to responsibilities met and work quality, not emotional compliance.
This builds healthy self-worth and professional boundaries, skills they'll carry into future careers.
Teaches real financial literacy:
Direct pay introduces banking, budgeting, taxes (even if minimal), saving, and independence.
Students learn to manage earned income, open accounts, track expenses, and see money as a tool rather than a parental favor.
Protects the relationship:
Separating business from personal dynamics reduces resentment.
The student isn't "working for free" or "owing" endless gratitude; the parent isn't tempted to use money as control.
In short: pay your college student fairly, promptly, and professionally.
If your business can't afford consistent wages, reconsider the arrangement; better no shifts than exploitative ones that sabotage success or create unhealthy family dynamics.
Practical Advice for First-Generation Students: Own Your Responsibilities
As a first-generation student, you bear responsibility too. College success requires proactive effort; honor your family contributions while asserting your needs. Meet expectations at home and school to build trust, reduce conflict, and prove your commitment. This isn't just about survival; it's about thriving and modeling positive change for siblings and peers.
Attend every class:
Consistency builds habits and credibility, missing sessions signals disengagement and invites more demands.
Turn in all work on time:
Prioritize deadlines; use tools like planners or apps to stay organized amid your household, social, and professional responsibilities.
Check and respond to emails daily:
You want real time email notifications.
Use the app (Outlook, Gmail, or Proprietary to Campus) rather than manually logging in randomly.
Even a missed day of emails can have serious consequences.
Stay informed on opportunities, alerts, and support; ignoring them can lead to probation like Luca's, or even dismissal.
Spend meaningful time on campus:
Study, network, socialize, and join clubs/sports.
This immersion fosters independence, friendships, and resume-building; key to justifying boundaries at home.
Fulfill home responsibilities without complaint:
Complete tasks promptly and well, or calmly request a swap if overwhelmed.
Approach as a team player: "I want to help, but let's align this with my study time."
Handle administrative duties independently:
Do not miss appointments with your academic advisor; come prepared with potential classes, and make sure to have your appointment before registration starts.
Once you have met with your advisor, register for your classes as soon as you can.
Submit forms/paperwork, apply for scholarships/jobs/internships/study abroad.
Own your path to show maturity and reduce parental over-involvement.
Communicate openly but respectfully:
If demands interfere, discuss impacts factually
Example: "Working late affects my grades, can we adjust?"
Seek mediators like coaches if needed.
Seek support early:
Use campus resources or external help to balance loyalty and growth; don't wait for academic probation or a family meltdown.
How Paideia Academic Coaching Can Help
These transitions are complex, balancing family loyalty, cultural expectations, and college demands.
At Paideia Academic Coaching, we specialize in supporting first-generation students and their families through boundary-setting, time management, advocacy, and mediation.
We help ensure your story ends like Luca’s: thriving, independent, and successful. Ready to navigate this for your family?
Contact us for a free consultation today.
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